Which is not to say, of course, that I'm going to eat you, dear...
So, my friend Floam told me that I should blog about her body type, which, as we have determined with rigorous scientific testing (read: "DO YOU HAVE A BIG BUTT? DO YOU GAIN WEIGHT ON YOUR STOMACH?!") is an apple shape.
So, I'm going to dress her, or at least tell her what she should wear to suit her body type.
Start at the top:
TUNICS: Tunics are good for apple shapes because they'll skim over the stomach and hide the fact that there is extra weight there. Tunics are also very versatile. Much as I hate to say it, they can be worn with just leggings if they're long enough, or with jeans of any type. There are also a million kinds of them. Cut the sleeves off a baggy t-shirt and take in the sides a bit, and you have a long, pretty tunic with a sort of rock'n'roll look, but a pretty, beaded tunic will look formal and elegant when need be.
Seeee? One very cool shirt, made of an old baggy tshirt.
EMPIRE: Empire waists cinch you where you're smallest - just under the bust. When they are tight there, then they'll skim loosely over the stomach and the eye will follow that and ignore it. And they make your boobs look bigger, if you're boob-challenged.
WAISTCOATS ARE WIN: Waistcoats. Wins. A dark waistcoat over a light colored tank top makes your arms look pretty and also makes your stomach look smaller because the dark color and the light color. It's a visual effect thing.
SHIRT LENGTH: Long shirts are best because they can smooth out any sort of muffin top, and it will negate any chances of having an awkward tummy escape-attempt. Shirts that end at the widest point of the hips make your hips look wider.
NECKLINE: Wearing a shirt with a low neckline and some flashy attention-grabbing necklaces is good, because it keeps the eye upward and not on your stomach. It'll also have the effect of making your boobs look bigger.
OTHER NOTES: Light layers will make your midsection look smaller. Chiffon is good for this, but really any sort of light thing. Black is slimming, but dark colors work well too. Don't wear SUPER tight shirts because that's just not flattering on anyone.
Okay so now that that top is done, the bottom:
PANTS: Wide-legged pants will help balance out your figure. If your weight is concentrated in your upper half, having more volume at your lower half will help you look balanced and not top-heavy. For warmer weather, wide-legged capris will show off your feet and ankles but have the same effect. Skinny jeans. So fashionable, right? Well, unless you're wearing a long top over them, don't wear them, because they'll have the effect of instantly making you look more top heavy than you are because there isn't a lot of volume on the bottom.
SKIRTS: As an apple, you're probably top-heavy, so wear fuller skirts. Wear them with a fitted top, and you'll look looovely and balanced. Heavens above, don't wear miniskirts. They make you look even more top heavy than you are. Wear skirts that have high waistlines, at your natural waist-ish, because they'll smooth out your stomach and hide any strain in your shirt.
And last, but not least, a word on dresses:
Don't wear something that will emphasize your stomach. Dresses that have built in folds along the stomach will be good, as long as they don't un-fold over the stomach because that will make you look heavier.