Secrets

I'm going to tell you guys a secret. OK? Here goes nothing.

I've always wanted to be beautiful. Not beautiful in a normal "wow she's beautiful" way. Beautiful in a "people will stop and stare as I walk down the street" way. I want to be a face the people remember, a body that women would kill to have.

But I'll tell you another little thing. I've accepted, mostly, that this isn't what I'm destined to have, and I won't have it. Why? Because it's unrealistic. I'm sure those kind of beauties exist, but I'm not one of them. There's not much of a market for brown haired, brown eyed, olive skinned girls in the Great Beauty world. I'll settle for regular beauty. So I work for it. Why? Who knows. I want to be liked, I suppose.

For years, I thought that, if I were beautiful, people would like me, and everything in my life would fall into place. I suppose that grew and morphed and now I accept every rejection in my life as a physical failing. I think "If only I were prettier, XYZ would be different".

Understandably, this means I don't take rejection very well. So I tend to need a LOT of encouragement if I'm going to do anything remotely resembling telling a guy I like him or something like that. It's not that I'm a coward, because I'm not. I'm just... More nervous about stuff like that than I should be.

Anyways, I'm losing the point.

The point is that I think it's good to be a regular pretty girl rather than some ultimate supreme beauty. I'd rather be beautiful inside than outside, and I can make myself that way. Beauty, as many notable people have said, isn't just skin deep. It's a way of bearing yourself, a way of showing kindness to everyone you meet, of being gracious and graceful and extending love. So that's what I think I'll endeavor to do even more now than ever before.

So this blog post is for me as well as for you, to hold me accountable to this.
I won't get discouraged anymore, and I will try at all times to be as beautiful inside as I possibly, possibly can.

<3<3Spoonie